Happy New Year's!!

Well, looks like I made it until the new year, just minutes away.  Feel bad tonight, not eating much that will stay down so am very weak.  Hoping the new year brings me and my family some much needed relief.  Will go to the doctor's on Thursday (got delayed a day form some unknown reason.) Won't know til then whether chemo will continue.

Where's those comments? Am I talking to the wall again?  I really do need , and appreciate, comments.  Hate feeling like the the Lone Ranger. Only a few minutes til midnight. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S everybody!!!  Take care and God Bless.

Another doctor's appointment

Actually, just an office visit I guess you would say.  They flush out my PICC line, after drawing some blood for tests.  Then they flush the line out with saline and re-bandage the whole site.  My INR, blood thinner test, was 2.5, right where they want that to be.  They ran something else but won't find out the results until next week.  I do talk to the doctor then and he will decide if I should restart the chemo.  Right now I am not feeling much stronger so I do not think he will want to restart.  I do not know what I want to do at this point.  I am weak and being off of chemo is not making me any stronger.  Not sure where that leaves me for now.  Guess I will just have to wait and see what the doctor says next Wednesday.

Feel kind of rotten right now.  Tired but can't seem to sleep good.  Hungry but get sick after eating most food.  Hell of an existence.  Kids been driving me crazy.  Can't wait for Xmas break to be over.  Their level of energy wears me out, lol. 

Enough prattle for now.  Take care and God Bless!

The Balloon is Up!?

Well, what do I mean by that?  We had a doctor's appointment Tuesday morning.  I was supposed to have gotten chemo done.  My blood test results were all good, in normal ranges.  But because I am so weak the doc decided to give me a two week break off of chemo.  He said that would let us know if the chemo was doing me any better than doing nothing at all.  I am supposed to be getting the best treatment with the current chemo drugs.  But the doc has said several times already to us that there will come a time when the drugs will stop helping.  Then the clock starts ticking until the eventual end.  It could be weeks, months, or even years, though years seem highly unlikely.  I am still trying to stay positive but it is getting rougher every day.  I am weaker by the day it seems.  If I am not doing any better after the two week break I think I will go back on chemo, as long as the doc thinks it will prolong things.  I will fight til the bitter end but it is not looking good at this point.  Starting to think about wills and such.  Been putting it off but think it would be wise to get prepared.  Life is not fair, the kids keep saying.  Lord, don't I know that? 

People have been so great.  Xmas is going to good for the kids.  An insurance company has bought all of the kids presents.  They will get more from angel tree programs and a few other groups that have said they were sponsoring us.  Things had been looking pretty bleak since we have no income.  God seems to be providing for us as he sees fit.  Can't ask for more than that.  I got a cash advance on a life insurance policy so I could take care of some outstanding credit card bills.  Won't leave alot for the family like I would like to have provided but they will do okay.  Brenda is strong and there is lots of support from family and church and even the community in general.  Lesson to learn here people: prepare for the worst but expect the best.  You just never know when your number will get called and you get your ticket punched.  Life will never be fair so prepare for bad things to happen.  If nothing bad happens you will have lost nothing but a little time and effort.  Wish to heck now I had prepared a long time ago. 

Time for bed.  Take care and God Bless.

Just Another Day in Paradise?!?!?!

No, no really.  Got your attention though, huh?  I had another typical cruddy day.  Went to the doctor's office for my routine INR (blood clot test) and bandage change on my PICC line.  My blood tests were okay but they decided to check my electrolytes since I have been having so many problems keeping stuff down.  Ended up getting fluids there so was stuck sitting in their crappy recliner for over 2 hours.  They thought the fluids would make me feel a bit better - they thought wrongly :(  

We stopped at my mom's for a bit afterwards to visit and the came home.  I have done nothing since but lay down and rest/sleep.  Guess if that is what my body needs, that is what it will get.  Just makes for very monotonous days/weeks/months......

It all just seems to run together.  I figure if I can keep plugging away something has to change, hopefully for the better.  Brenda is out in this nasty weather getting me some needed medications.  Bless her heart, I know I would not have made it this far without her love and support.  But I still worry for her health.  I wish I could do more for myself.  Most days I am still took weak to even get my sorry butt outta bed without a gentle push from Brenda.  No strength at all in my upper body or so it seems.

Enough prattling for now.  Enjoyed the comments from the last blog entry.  Keep them coming - PLEASE!  It is one of my few pleasures in life, just to see that people still care and have not forgotten about me.  Take care and God Bless!