A Week Later

Well, it has been a whole week off of chemo as of yesterday. Looks like it will take much longer than I was hoping to start feeling better. Don't know what I was thinking, just wishful I guess. The last couple of cycles I never really felt much better, even when I got to go three weeks off, instead of the original two weeks off. Maybe by the middle of July I will start picking up some. Got to keep telling myself one day at a time. I am just anxious to get some energy so I can do more around the house to help. I hate feeling helpless and worthless. There is so much to be done. I don't want Brenda trying to do it all by herself. She tries hard to but I can't afford for her to burn herself out.

We got a foam cushion for the bed last night. I have gotten so thin my ribs and hips have been getting sore from the pressure of laying down. It is 8 inches thick, 3 inches of memory foam and the other 5 inches of egg crate type. If that doesn't help I don't know what would. We are putting it on the bed today.

Got to get some other work done while I still have some "juice" left. Til next time.

Still waiting

I guess I am getting impatient. This is my fourth day out of chemo and I am still pretty messed up. Wife was trying to talk me into going to the hospital because I had two episodes of vomiting right before bed. That was on top of doing it several times earlier during the day. My weight has dropped more in the last few weeks. My stomach usually does not feel nauseous when I vomit. Many times I start coughing and then start heaving. Some times I just get the feeling and grab the waste can just in time. I rarely vomit food, even if I had recently ate. It is almost always mucous, like from deep in back of my throat. My mouth will be filling up continually with saliva and my nose starts dripping. After a few minutes it is all over, until the next time. Sorry to be so graphic but the symptoms just seem so strange. Neither my oncologist or family doctor really know why this happens to me. My oncologist prescribed a cough syrup, which helps some. Unfortunately, since I can vomit without the coughing spells I am starting to think I won't get over this. It might be a by-product of the chemo. Only time will tell on that.

Until next time - take care and God Bless.

Sorry for the "vacation"

This has been a rough week. Never had a chemo week that was so bad. Doctor gave me a new med to help with my naseua and appettite. Don't know if that was the cause but all I wanted to do all week was sleep. If I wasn't in bed I was dozing in my recliner. I still feel zapped. I am hoping that the break in chemo allows my body to recuperate some.

I have a million things I should be doing but haven't had the energy to do. I will try to issue another update soon. Take care and God Bless.

Good News!

Went to the oncologist this morning. My blood tests were really good. He decided that this round of chemo could be my last one for awhile. I have been steadily losing weight and was getting too skinny. I was supposed to have 6 total. This week is number 5. Good riddance! I get the fanny pack off Friday at 1:00pm. Then a well deserved break. I have another CT scan next month so will see then if the chemo is still doing its job. I am tired so time to hit the hay. Take care and God Bless.

Chemo Brain

I just bought a t-shirt that says "I Have Chemo Brain - What's Your Excuse?" For anyone that has any experience with chemo, either as a patient or caregiver, they know what that means. For the rest of you chemo brain refers to what happens to we unfortunates that have to undergo chemotherapy. Chemo has a tendency to whack out our brains lol. We frequently have short term memory loss. I think I referred to it in a previous post. Ask me about something 20 years ago and I will probably remember. Ask me about something 15 minutes ago and you might get a blank stare from me. That happens alot to me also. My wife will ask me what I am thinking about and doesn't believe me when I tell her nothing. I am just staring into space like I am brain dead. I have at least one more round of chemo after the one next week. People have told me that things will improve once I can stop taking chemo. I guess time will tell on that. I am certainly looking forward to a life without chemo, at least for awhile. I do not like being addle minded and feeling like I have no energy. Cancer sucks but anything that I have to do to remain alive will be worthwhile.

Please post a comment about any experiences you have had concerning cancer. Take care and God Bless.

Just another day

Well, started the day by making myself an egg and cheese sandwich. One of my favorite breakfast meals. Tasted good but shortly thereafter I got sick to my stomach. Bummer but I should be used to that by now. Didn't have much for lunch because I never really felt good. I did get around to cleaning out the dryer duct work. That pretty much did me in. My energy level is very low most days. Never know how long I will be able to last before my body poops out. I use a cane to walk since I am usually unsteady on my feet. If we go shopping I have my own wheelchair to use. I hate having to use those things but when my body decides it has had enough I have to sit down NOW!

This should be my best week since it is my third week after chemo. Didn't seem to make much difference though. I start a new round of chemo on Monday. Royal bummer! I really hate chemo. But as long as it is helping me stay alive I have no choice. I still think that the "cure" is as bad as the disease. I have been screwed up since I started chemo.

Enough for today - take care and God Bless.

A Book and a Website - highly recommended

I just got done reading "I'd Rather Have Chemo Than Clean Out the Garage" by Fran Giacomo.

You can find it here: http://www.amazon.com/Rather-Chemo-Than-Clean-Garage/dp/0971326525/ref=sr_1_1/105-6175247-6473247?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1181696628&sr=8-1


It is a very humorous book. Good reading even for friends or caregivers of cancer patients. Read the reviews on amazon.com for more information.

I also have a great website for buying cancer awareness products. The company shares part of their profits with cancer related charities. They have a great selection and the prices are very reasonable. The website also has some great information and links.
Please check out:

I just bought awareness bracelets for my whole family. I also bought a t-shirt, hat, pins and buttons (all with positive messages.) I am trying to maintain a positive outlook so anything that reinforces that is welcome. The buttons I have put on my hat and a vest that I frequently wear.

I will recommend some more books in the near future. I bought many books from amazon.com about cancer and nutrition.

Enough for now - take care and God Bless.

Overdue

I haven't felt very good all weekend. Very tired and alot of tummy aches. Our church had a benefit for me Saturday night. Taco supper and a silent auction. Brenda took soup for me to eat since I can't tolerate much of normal food. I did eat a piece of lemon merangue pie, which actually tasted good. Think I ate too much though because I got to feeling sick. Found a couch to stretch out on until the feeling passed. It was nice seeing everybody. There was a good turnout. We haven't been to church very much since my surgery. It is hard enough to try to get 7 kids up and moving. Almost impossible with a slow moving dad. I felt bad on Mother's Day but I made sure we were at church for that. I felt it was important to be there.

I have ordered a couple of T-shirts that say Cancer Sucks! and gives my blog address. They also say have Cancer Questions? and gives the Onchochat website address. I hope to raise a little awareness about cancer and maybe help answer some questions too.

I almost feel like I am talking to myself. Only a few people have commented here. Please help spread the word and post my blog address when you get the chance. I would really appreciate that. Take care and God Bless.

Telling the Children

We had planned on breaking the news of my cancer to the kids while we were in a family meeting at the local Gilda's Club. Gilda's Club, for those not familiar with it, is an organization started by Gene Wilder, the husband of the late comedian, Gilda Radner. Gilda died of cancer and Gene started the club in her honor. They offer a place for people to meet and share their experiences regarding cancer. Brenda and I had already attended a new member meeting. We had a meeting set up for the whole family, with one of their trained counsellors. We were on the way to the meeting when Daveon, our youngest, got sick all over the van. We had to turn around and go back home. My wife and I decided we needed to go ahead and break the news to them by ourselves, as they already knew something was up.

Telling them about my cancer and possible death was the hardest thing I think we ever had to do. Brenda did most of the talking, bless her heart. We all used many tissues that night. The littlest ones did not really understand what we were talking about, other than mommy and daddy were very upset.

We have always tried to be open and honest with our children. We continue to reaffirm to them that daddy has cancer and will be very sick for awhile. We also tell them constantly that daddy will keep fighting and hopefully be around for a long time. But we also make sure they know that things will continue to be rough and that daddy might not make it. We tell them frequently how much we love them and things will be okay. We have many friends and relatives that have been very supportive. I am sure that if I lose my fight with cancer that the support will be there to help Brenda and the family. For now all we can do is fight the hard fight and pray for a miracle. Enough for now - take care and God Bless.

Update

This week so far has been a wash. Have felt really drained all week. Tuesday both Brenda and I had some bug - throwing up and could hardly move out of the bed. Glad the kids can handle things fairly well on their own, with minimal supervision. I still feel drained but can't seem to sleep. So, here I am, trying to do something constructive. I just seem to keep falling further and further behind on projects. Can't even muster enough energy to keep my computer organized. I am trying to work on that now. I so hate not feeling good enough to do things that used to be so simple. My weight has stabilized down at 180-182. I don't like being that far down but can't eat enough to gain any back. Trying to eat more smoothies with some protein powder. If my stomach will just cooperate :(

Enough for now - take care and God Bless. Keep those prayers coming in - thanks!

My Family

Caregivers

Going through the cancer experience is hard enough. It is darn near impossible for many people, myself included, to go through it without having a great caregiver by their side. My wife, Brenda, has been my rock this whole time. I would never have been able to handle things on my own. She keeps track of all of my many appointments (doctors, labs, etc.) She keeps on me about drinking fluids and taking my meds. Just about anything else of importance she has to remind me about because chemo tends to cause short term memory loss. Ask me about something 20 years ago and I will probably remember. Ask me about something that happened 15 minutes ago and I will probably draw a blank. I just found a good book that might be helpful for people close in your life to read. It is called "help me live - 20 things people with cancer want you to know" by Lori Hope. I got it through Amazon.com. It had great reviews and I will be reading it soon. Then I will pass it along to somebody in my family.

Many caregivers will wear themselves out, taking care of everybody else, but neglecting themselves. It is important to make your caregiver understand that they must take care of themselves first or they won't be able to provide the care the sick person needs. My wife, bless her soul, not only takes care of me but our 7 children. I try to help with as much as I am able and the kids have been somewhat helpful. They usually don't volunteer for chores but will help when asked. Caregivers NEED to be able to ask for help, whenever needed. Many people (family, friends, church members, etc.) will be more than willing to help out with things, IF they are asked. Do not be afraid to ask for help. It can be for many different tasks from taking the sick person to an appointment to helping with meals.

Caregivers are a very important part of the cancer experience. I hope that you have somebody that can fulfill this vital role. Take care and God Bless.

Bad week

Been a bad week overall. Seem to be tired most of the time (yeah, a recurring theme.) Was able to run a few errands today. Came home and took a nap. Got up and got sick. When I felt a little better I had my wife ran me up to Illini Hospital. They were throwing a reunion party for past employees. Turnout was really good. I got to see people that I hadn't seen for the best part of 20 years. Really wiped me out though. I was only there for about 2.5 hours, which is doing good for me. A few of them are either going through cancer now or recently finished with treatments. Always nice, for lack of a better word, to talk with others that are going through what I am. I don't feel so much like the Lone Ranger then.

I know that many people are fighting cancer, in one form or another. I am far from the sickest, comparatively speaking. But, I can only relate what I am feeling, due to my experiences so far. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. There seems to be no end in sight. Even when I beat this round (and I will) I know that the odds call for recurrences. Cancer is so unfair. Many people just say suck it up and do what I need to do. Easy for them to say. Unless you have personally gone through cancer yourself or with a loved one, you can't really have a clue of how hard it can be. Enough for now - take care and God Bless.