The Balloon is Up!?

Well, what do I mean by that?  We had a doctor's appointment Tuesday morning.  I was supposed to have gotten chemo done.  My blood test results were all good, in normal ranges.  But because I am so weak the doc decided to give me a two week break off of chemo.  He said that would let us know if the chemo was doing me any better than doing nothing at all.  I am supposed to be getting the best treatment with the current chemo drugs.  But the doc has said several times already to us that there will come a time when the drugs will stop helping.  Then the clock starts ticking until the eventual end.  It could be weeks, months, or even years, though years seem highly unlikely.  I am still trying to stay positive but it is getting rougher every day.  I am weaker by the day it seems.  If I am not doing any better after the two week break I think I will go back on chemo, as long as the doc thinks it will prolong things.  I will fight til the bitter end but it is not looking good at this point.  Starting to think about wills and such.  Been putting it off but think it would be wise to get prepared.  Life is not fair, the kids keep saying.  Lord, don't I know that? 

People have been so great.  Xmas is going to good for the kids.  An insurance company has bought all of the kids presents.  They will get more from angel tree programs and a few other groups that have said they were sponsoring us.  Things had been looking pretty bleak since we have no income.  God seems to be providing for us as he sees fit.  Can't ask for more than that.  I got a cash advance on a life insurance policy so I could take care of some outstanding credit card bills.  Won't leave alot for the family like I would like to have provided but they will do okay.  Brenda is strong and there is lots of support from family and church and even the community in general.  Lesson to learn here people: prepare for the worst but expect the best.  You just never know when your number will get called and you get your ticket punched.  Life will never be fair so prepare for bad things to happen.  If nothing bad happens you will have lost nothing but a little time and effort.  Wish to heck now I had prepared a long time ago. 

Time for bed.  Take care and God Bless.